recently I've been reading books that can be characterized only as antisocial and anarchistic ones, but that's great. I shouldn't waste my life reading some shit which doesn't give me anything. And these books, I think that in the end I'll give a fuck even less than now and that's great 'cause I think we shouldn't care too much about what people around us think if they are not those who deserve our attention and it's not so difficult to distinct such.
So now I'm reading Fight Club, it's even better than the movie that was really great and I've read there about that idea I was thinking about for a long time. Why do people care so much about THINGS?? Who cares by Whom the thing is made and how much it costs? It's just a fucking thing! We work all life just to buy something; moreover we do this doing the job we hate just to buy things that we Don't Need! Imagine that you've been earning money for all your life just to surround yourself with wonderful and modern things like good sofa and cool curtains and one day you came home and you neighbor told you that your place was robbed or an accident had happened and everything was destroyed. What then? Life is over, you lost everything that you "loved", what you lived for. I know that it's an example from the book, not my own, but it reflects perfectly what I think about this, why do we have to live just to buy something?? That's so stupid. I think we have to choose something that we really like and do this despite anyone's opinion about this. It's our life, nobody else's and we Have to understand that soon we gonna DIE! I'm so happy that I'm reading Fight Club in this moment of my life when I think a lot about my life and about death, I often try to imagine how would it feel To Die, but I can't. One second you are alive and kicking and the next you
are just a senseless object, which won't ever be able to speak, feel, move and anything else.
There's one moment in the book when Tyler Durden catches some random guy and puts the gun to his forehead, then tells this guy to continue studying biology or whatever, just to do whatever that guy wanted to be in the beginning. The guy was trembling with fear he thought Tyler was going to kill him, but in my opinion that was the best lesson for him ever. He faced death and he started appreciating Life, that's wonderful.
We live our lives automatically not valuing them at all. Then Tyler told him that if he doesn't continue studying he gonna find and kill him 'cause he knows his address and stuff, but the point is that Next morning that guy will eat the tastiest breakfast in his life and live the best day of his life, just 'cause he faced Death. Since that time he'll think that he can die any moment and he'll do his best to live his life as good as he can, and that thought about Tyler will keep him tight, he won't relax as we usually do.
Are many of us satisfied with our lives? Can we often say yes?
I try to live my life in the way that I won't regret about anything, about lost time, or wrong words. We just have to find OUR way, not to follow everyone else's, like we usually do, trying not to be different from the mass. I want to be different, 'cause I understand that I have only ONE life and I can't correct my mistakes or change anything. So fuck family, fuck society, fuck everything except for what I choose, 'cause I'm gonna live For Myself no matter what you or whoever else says!