broken_guitar: (Ace)
Ахренеть! Оказывается есть такие асцидии (sea squirts), в океане, изначально у них есть мозг и пищеварительная система. Простенькие конечно, но в целом весь необходимый функционал.
Это когда они ток появляются, а потом они ищут место где обосноваться (навсегда) и когда находят СЪЕДАЮТ СВОЙ МОЗГ!!
тк он им больше не нужен.
Интересно, знает ли про них Ротенберг, ведь они идеально вписываются в его теорию о том, что главная задача человека (и его мозга соответственно) - поисковая деятельность!
Блин, написать ему письмо что ли, уверена, если он не в курсе, то заценит. =))
broken_guitar: (U235 fission)
Не прошло и 4 месяца, как я получила свои посылки, заказанные в ноябре! Спасибо Почта России!
broken_guitar: (Default)
Не помню сколько мне было лет когда это началось, где-то между 17 и 20, думаю. Мне приснился сон. В этом сне я опаздывала на поезд. Я делала все, чтобы успеть, но не успела, поезд ушел, а я осталась с чувством огромного разочарования и опустошения.

Через некоторое время мне снова приснился сон. Я снова опаздывала на поезд. На этот раз я пыталась перехватить его, используя какие-то другие, более быстрые транспортные средства. Но поезд снова от меня ушел, опять в последний момент, опять чувство безнадежности и опустошения.
Через время мне снова приснился этот сон, а потом еще раз, и еще.

Всего он мне снился раз 6 наверное, в течение 2х лет, с перерывами в несколько месяцев. Однажды он не снился пол года и я думала, что все, прошло.
Обстановка в этих снах могла отличаться, иногда довольно радикально. Был сон, как будто я в будущем, тк там была какая-то продвинутая платформа для поезда и красивые здания с граффити. Была какая-то сельская местность, типа деревни, там я пыталась догнать поезд на какой-то чуть ли не тачанке, ехала наперерез. Один раз я даже ехала за моим поездом в каком то другом вагоне, может даже это был другой поезд.
Был сон, который начался как совершенно другой, а потом резко перешел на старую тему.
В основном я была в каком-то незнакомом (или знакомом, но не родном) месте или городе. Обстоятельства могли быть очень разными, но суть всегда была одна - я опаздывала на долбаный поезд.

Не передать словами, что я чувствовала после этих снов. Такое чувство, как будто ты полностью выкладываешься, делаешь все, чтобы успеть, но что бы ты ни делал, в итоге все равно полный провал. Это было ужасно.

И вот однажды он мне снова приснился. Я ехала на поезде и мы сделали стоянку в каком то месте, похожем на пригород Владивостока. Всем объявили, что стоянка на 10 минут. Я вышла из поезда. Смотрю, метрах в 200 может - магазин. Думаю, дай-ка я схожу куплю себе чего, магазин же близко, а стоянка - 10 минут, успею полюбому.
И я пошла в магазин. Иду по дороге, глиняная какая то она была. По дороге продолжая мысленный разговор с собой о том, что не стоит переживать, за 10 минут я сто раз туда и обратно сбегаю. И тут в этот внутренний монолог вклинивается незнакомый мужской голос и говорит: "Возвращайся, иначе ты опоздаешь на поезд". Я продолжаю свои же убеждения о том, что полюбому успею, но уже обращаясь к голосу. Я совершенна беспечна и спокойна. Но голос настаивает. Опять повторяет, что я должна вернуться, иначе опоздаю. Не знаю почему, но я его послушала. Я развернулась. Пошла к поезду. Я чувствовала каждый миг приближения как в замедленной съемке. Я смотрела на состав, на первый вагон, я даже видела машиниста внутри, он тоже на меня смотрел. Я подошла к поезду, залезла внутрь. И проснулась в слезах. Я поняла, что все. Я поймала свой поезд, успела. Облегчение было невероятное. И больше он мне никогда не снился.
broken_guitar: (Default)
Третий день подряд мне снятся сны. Разные, цветные, с интересным сюжетом. Меня это очень радует и вообще, по моим собственным наблюдениям, сны мне снятся чаще всего когда на душе мир и я не замученная/уставшая/нервная. =)
broken_guitar: (Default)
Вчера ложимся спать, тут у меня возникает мысль, которую я не высказываю вслух, "Вот сейчас бы дождь пошел". Через 3 секунды слышу как за окном вдруг сильно забарабанил дождь. Подходим к окну посмотреть на улицу, Саша говорит: "А я вот 5 секунд назад думаю, Вот сейчас бы дождь пошел, только вслух не сказал."

О_о

Рассказала ему что 5 секунд назад сама об этом подумала...
Наверное мы можем предсказывать дождь. =) Или вызывать его.
broken_guitar: (Default)
i wonder how it happens that when i really want to see someone and i go around thinking about this person i'll most probably meet him! i can't explain that but this happens pretty often.
maybe it's like with thoughts: two people sitting next to each other vfery often have same thoughts and they say that the reason is that thoughts are formed above our heads.
so maybe here it's something if the same kind?
broken_guitar: (Default)
when i went to the United States i bought a spiky leather bracelet there. we don't have such bracelets here where i live and i liked it a lot.
so 3 days ago i lost one spike from it. this may seem like not too much of a tragedy but for me it was important. i felt Really sad because i cannot replace it with a new one and it looked so incomplete with one spike.... :( this is immature i know but i sometimes get addicted to some things i like more than the rest....

SO.
all these 3 days i tried to walk the same route as i did the day when i lost the spike.
i was looking at the ground hoping to find it and at the same time i constantly asking myself "what the hell are you hoping for? do you really think you can find one little spike among all these leaves and other stuff on the ground...??"
but i was hoping...

and!!!
I'VE FOUND IT!!!! :)))
i was coming back home today late in the evening, again hoping to find my spike so i was looking at the ground and suddenly i saw IT!!! god! i wanted to scream as lound as i could YEAH!!!! but i'm sure somebody would call 911, especially if they learnt the reason why i cried. :) so i simply smiled as wide as i could and ran home!!!
!!

the coolest thing in all this is that it doesn't happen to me for the first time!
there were several cases like that.
once i went to hang out with friends, we got drunk and i lost my new red glasses, which were pretty expensive, next day i was thinking where i could lose them, i went to that place and found them!
the same happened with money once and with my black glove! i lose things but i FEEL that they are not lost, i Feel that i have a chance to find them, that they are not far away and i go and find them!!!

this is so cool! maybe i should open some firm like Lost and Found, i'll be extremely popular and make lots of money :))

anyway now i'm very happy :D

have a great day!
broken_guitar: (Default)
most of the time i feel that i'm alone. even when i'm surrounded by many people i still feel so. i think it's due to the lack of understanding. few people here share my interests and principles. plus most of my friends are in other cities or even countries and can't regularly communicate with them.
sometimes when i think i find someone who can be my friend it doesn't last too long. i have great relations with lots of people but i really need someone close to share my thoughts and moods.
sometimes i feel so different that i almost doubt that i can find someone who'll understand me at all, but i try to calm myself down that my city (or should i call it town?) is not the only one on earth and i'll find someone eslewhere.
on the other hand i don't really want to look for someone. if i meet him/her, that's great, but looking for, nahh, i don't feel like doing that. pretty controversial. as i am :)

as Jules says "it's hard to explain"...
broken_guitar: (Default)
oh my god i can't believe this luck! today i had the last french class in semester! :))
i got the credit and She (brrr... my french teacher) even wished me luck for the future conference, it
seems she started accepting me a bit... can't say the same about myself, i Feel she's not okay, i really
can feel real feelings she has towards us, it's not paranoia...

i noticed that sometimes i can guess what people are thinking about. it appears to be really weird
sometimes.had some bet, and told me to guess about what it was.. i really had no ideas, i made a first
guess, i was wrong then i looked at dad and asked are you going to quit smoking? you should have seen his
face he wassurprised, but it's okay, nothing special
more strange thing for me is the next stuff - i was standing at a bus stop, being rather drunk waiting
for a bus, listing to player, the RND option was turned on and since it's mp3 player and i had like
15possibility to guess is rather low, it seems... so i was listening to some song automatically and was
not even paying much attention to it, and when it stopped, in the pause, Green Day song started playing
in my head... and ... after two seconds i heard it in my ears... i was shocked, it gave me shivers...
sometimes i can finish phrases people are going to say if i look at then and if i don't try to do this
intentionaly.

maybe i just think this happens and in reality it's nothing but coincidence, anyway i like it :)
broken_guitar: (Default)
i came to the conclusion that Everything that happens in our life is not occasional. something always happens for some reason and causes something else. At least so it appears in my life. for example today in the evening i've got a great concept for my resolution, but at first there was only a thought.." what if..." then my mom called me for something and i came to the room where she was watching tv and they said a phrase there that clarified Everything for me, it was like pieces of puzzle which suddenly got together, it was a sign ! :)
and moreover, if i studied the issues in the order in which they were on Agenda, i would never come to that idea, tell me please why i started from the 2d issue, then went to the 3d and only then started the 1st one? it's not just an accident, everything is planned and if we take into account our russian proverb "what is done - is done for the better", we can suppose that this plan is good and that's just fine :)

as they said in Final Destination - we have to notice Signs that we are given, they really helps

one more thing that i'd say can be mentioned here. Our dreams. of course many people know that this deja vu feeling is something that we'd seen in our dreams, but i came to this conclusion myself, i noticed it, remembered some things and i think we must somehow try to remember our dreams, they can prevent something or just help.....

oh, i wonder does anyone feels or felt the same? 8)
broken_guitar: (Default)
all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream
- Poe
broken_guitar: (Default)
Yesterday was a very good day, I've done lots of things I love doing and then, late at night I went to bed. The house was so silent and dark, 'cause everyone was sleeping. I was supposed to feel glad after that good day, and I felt so at first and then out of nowhere the thought came. You gonna die. Some day this will happen. I was thinking about this and I couldn't realize it… I just understood that probably my life now became better than it was for example 5 years ago. That time I didn't value my life so high, and that's not about me being a teenager. No. maybe I just had nothing to lose. Now I have a little to lose and I feel that if I continue living I'll have even more things to lose. But no-one can predict what can happen to us. Maybe tomorrow someone will bring me down in the street or something else happens.
I know that when I start speaking about this everyone tells me: if you think about this, it will happen; or: if you think about this you may become mad. I know and I agree but I think thoughts like that may help us understand how precious our life is. There will be no second chance, not time will be given to correct some mistakes and just to live some more time.
That's why I try to do things that way that I wouldn't regret about that later. And I never regret. If I did something bad in the past I believe that was the best choice for me that time and I couldn't do it better. That's also the reason why I always take my decisions alone. If I do something I want to be sure that if it is a mistake only I am to blame for it. no one else.
And about that thought, it seemed so true and so unreal at the same time, it's like someone reminded me about it the very minute I felt so glad. And as I didn't expect it at all I thought: can it be a warning?
broken_guitar: (Default)
Today I've seen "The Ring" in the movies, as usual i was sitting in the 1st row to enjoy the feeling of my complete presence there... :) that was really not bad although it didn't scare me a lot. it's strange but for things like scary movies my nerves seem to be pretty strong :)

i wish i could see scary dreams, i know how it sounds, everyone wants to have none, but... i like that emotion (fear) so much, especially when you know that are safe :)
hmm, you know these dreams when someone is chasing you, you are so scared, you can hardly move and you wake up at night in cold sweat.. so, they say you have to struggle your fear, turn around and then ask the creature that chases you what it needs, and then something may happen
so the point is, my younger brother's done that!!
he and "the criminal" (as he called him) were alone in some town, so Vitya (my brother) knew that the criminal will seize him anyway, sooner or later. he was scared to death, and suddenly he remembered about that thing i told him. and he turned around at once, if he thought about this at least for a moment he'd lose all his courage. but he just turned around and faced the criminal. His voice was trembling but he asked "What do you want?" And he saw the criminal's face distorted, astounded as if no-one did that before, no-one could defeat his fear. So the criminal fell on his knees his knife fell down and he said "Some-one from your family will be very happy" then he diappeared and Vitya woke up.

i know it sounds like a fairy tale for kids, but he didn't lie, i know, 'cause i remember How he told me about that in the morning. I believe that our dreams really worth something, moreover we see the future in our dreams and then have deja vu.

well, gotta go learning fucking french dialogues :-(
broken_guitar: (Default)
i always used to think - life is so short and i have to derive all possible benefit from it. so i started doing this... and what did i get? now i live really mad life. i hardly have a free hour, i can't even write letters to my friends, not mentioning my journal. sometimes i think that's awful, i have to plan Everything not to forget something and to manage to do everything in time. the day before yesterday i sat on the sofa being absolutely unable to relax. i was think and planning and getting nervous how to do all this stuff... and i couldn't stop that was awful i had to take a pill :\
on the other hand now i do so many things! i really use my time, i value it. and i want to say some day that in my life i've done everything i could and i didn't waste my time lying on the sofa and watching stupid TV series. I think it's a right way...
the thing that disturbs me - why i can't find this golden mean? if i'm involved into something i devote myself completely to this and i forget about rest, about sleep about everything.
frankly speaking i think i'm gonna get mad soon, or maybe a bit later. i think my present life is really strange, abnormal and nervous...
fuck it!.. as usual i can't describe my feelings and thoughts...
broken_guitar: (Default)
ехала сегодня домой в автобусе, поздно уже было, я уставшая, и все такое. длинное заднее сиденье занимала группа людей. все очень пьяные и очень веселые. из той категории, что заливают проблемы водкой или еще там чем. подумалось, что странный все таки русский народ. ведь проблемы все эти не исчезнут если напиться, я так вообще начинаю изза них еще сильнее грузица если по-пьяни, а они вот ничего, веселятся, а завтра будут друг с другом обсуждать как всё дерьмово и как все вокруг к ним несправедливы. это я к чему? наверное к тому , что не надо заблуждаться кто и за что отвечает в нашей жизни, за все отвечаем мы сами и во всех неудачах надо венить тока себя и больше никого. да, так оно и есть, но порой так хочеца хоть как то себя оправдать... а еще обидно когда делаешь все для достижения чего та, а потом не получаешь этого, тогда есть повод задуматься о собственных амбициях и сопоставить их с возможностями.
broken_guitar: (Default)
Я заметила, что иногда в моей жизни появляются люди, совершенно незнакомые и которых я точно больше никогда не увижу, советующие мне что-то от всего сердца. Я имею в виду, что они ведь совсем не обязаны это делать, и я их не спрашивала ни о чем... Размышляя обо всем этом, создается впечатление, что это не случайно. Они как-будто отвечают на те вопросы, которые вертятся у меня в голове. Или может я сама их как-то наталкиваю на подобную раздачу советов? В любом случае, мне это кажется странным. Особенно то, как метко в цель они попадают и как хорошо я помню то, что они говорили. А эти люди...они могут быть кем угодно- парень, встреченный на вокзале в 2 часа ночи, да еще и в другой стране, молодая женщина на дне рожденья у давней знакомой, какой-нибудь двоюродный брат подруги, приехавший на 1 день...кто угодно... Вопрос в том, следую ли я их советам? Хорошо было бы ответить "да"...

Profile

broken_guitar: (Default)
broken_guitar

May 2016

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15 161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 24th, 2017 06:36 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios